


The Clannish Inquisition

by merry_amelie



Series: Galactic Actors [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor, M/M, Parody, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-10-01
Updated: 2001-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 01:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4459691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merry_amelie/pseuds/merry_amelie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian's Aunt Martha wants to know what's going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Clannish Inquisition

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback: Is treasured at merryamelie@aol.com (or leave a comment).
> 
> Disclaimer: Mr. Lucas owns everything Star Wars. I'm not making any money.
> 
> Many thanks to Mrs. Hamill for originating Will and Ian, and to Emrin for continuing their adventures, and to Alex for her marvelous Provocateur.
> 
> Other stories in the Heroes of the Galaxy universe:  
> [Riding the Wheel of If: Episode Sixteen](http://hawksong.com/~momskitchen/Wheel_stories/WoI_16.htm) by MrsHamill  
> [Heroes of the Galaxy](http://www.trinityslash.com/emrin_annie/Heroes_Galaxy.html) by Emrin Alexander

"Hello, Ian. It's Aunt Martha."

"Hi, Aunt Martha. How are you?"

"I'm fine. What's been going on with you?"

"Whadya mean?"

"The frabloids are going crazy out here on Alderaan. They say you're having an affair with that little fish girl, and they even dug up a holo with your hand on her rear to prove it."

"First of all, Aunt Martha, 'that little fish girl' is just a character on my show. I did put my hand, uh, there, but I only did it to juice the ratings."

"Oh," Aunt Martha said, momentarily losing steam. Then she remembered. "They also say that you live with her. Surely, my sister raised you better than that."

"I did live with Rebecca, Auntie. I offered her a place to stay after she was fired."

"You mean, after you got her fired."

"Well, yes."

"How could you take advantage of a poor, unemployed girl like that?"

"I didn't, Aunt Martha. She had her own bedroom."

"So nothing happened?"

"Nothing at all."

"I'm disappointed in you, Ian. A nice girl like that. How could you let her get away?"

"But you just said..."

"Oh, bother, Ian. Can't you follow a simple conversation?"

Puzzled silence.

"Ian, Ian, are you still there?"

Muffled laugh. "Yes, I'm listening, Aunt Martha."

"Now the frabs say that you're living with another costar."

"Yes I am."

"Quite-a-Goon, Quite-a-Goner, or something?"

"That's Qui-Gon, Aunt Martha."

"What kind of a name is that?"

"It's another character from the show."

"Is that a guy?"

"Yes he is, Aunt Martha."

"So which is it for you: guy, girl, fish, what?"

Strangled laugh. "Will Leeson is my lover."

"So that part's true?"

"Yes, Aunt Martha. You'll meet him at the next family get-together in the spring."

"Oh. When were you planning on telling me about him?"

"I did send you a holo on your birthday."

"So that's what it was! I thought it was one of your vids." Frantic thinking. "I, I've been saving it to watch with your uncle the next time they pre-empt Evocateur for bowling on holonet."

Yeah, right. "Don't worry. I'll send you a boxed set of 'Heroes' on your anniversary." He heard a quickly cut-off gasp on her end, and resisted the impulse to gloat.

"That would be, er, lovely, dear. Thank you." Quickly going back on the offensive, she said, "You know, dating your teacher is never a good idea. Cousin Gertrude..."

Ian knew all about Cousin Gertrude, and didn't want to hear it for the tenth time. "Yes, yes, Aunt Martha. You're right, it's not a good idea. But Will isn't my teacher, he's my acting partner on the show."

"You mean it's all acting? He doesn't really love you? What a cad!"

"No, Auntie. He's an actor on the series and my lover in real life."

"I'll put your Uncle Ernie-Wan on."

"Sure, Aunt Martha. Are you okay with all this, though?"

"Considering that until ten minutes ago I thought you were living in fin, er, sin, with a fish, the answer is yes."

"Thanks, Auntie. Goodbye."

Will heard sounds emanating from the kitchen that normally took thousands of credits worth of special effects to produce. He came running in on the wave of an adrenalin rush, only to knock Ian over in mid-howl, and leave the companel in bits on the floor.

"Ian! What's wrong?"

Ian started to convulse on the tile. Luckily, Will knew mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and started in enthusiastically. He heard snorts and grunts, and slowly it hit him that Ian was convulsing in laughter. Ian, however, was not slow to hit him, and started in enthusiastically, with a will.

"Will! What's wrong with you?"

"I thought you were choking." Will looked sheepish. "Are you okay?"

Heroically refraining from mentioning the bruises caused by Will's 'rescue', Ian said, "I'm fine."

Will got to his knees, and gave Ian a hand up. "What happened in here?"

They righted the chairs, and sat at the kitchen table. "My Aunt Martha called."

"Oh." Will waited patiently. This might explain the howls, and even that snerfling sound he was convinced had to be fx. When Ian didn't answer immediately, Will asked, "Is she the one who thought that you really were studying at the Jedi Academy?" He tried unsuccessfully to keep the grin off his face.

"Come on, Will, be fair. She's always been desperate for one of her nephews to get a degree."

"I guess that's why she gives you the third degree every time she calls."

Ian groaned. "I can't take too much more alleged humor today, my love."

Will pulled him in for a hug. "Sorry, lad. What'd she say?"

"You know the feeling when you only learn your own lines for a play?" Will nodded. "You sorta know what's going on, but not quite, and you have the uneasy feeling that you've missed something important. That's what Aunt Martha's going through out on Alderaan."

"So she's heard the gossip?"

Ian found out that his nose was still capable of snorting. "Yes, indeed, and she still doesn't seem to get the difference between acting and real life." Ian had to smile at Will's rumbling laugh, and paused to take a calming breath before he continued. "She started out convinced that I was having an affair with a fish."

"Still waters run deep, Ian..." The rest of Will's comment was stopped by Ian's kiss. "Don't encourage me, lad, I'll just keep at it all night if you try to shut me up this way."

"Not a bad way to spend the evening." Ian kissed him again. "I'm not sure, but I think she knows the difference between Bant and Rebecca now."

Will rested his forehead on Ian's. "Well, that's a start."

"I don't think she has any idea what to make of you, my love. Hopefully, my Uncle Ernie will sort it all out." Ian started to rub the small of Will's back, exposed in the aftermath of his rescue attempt.

Will wasn't really paying attention as he sought out the bare skin of Ian's spine. Although unorthodox, skidding across the kitchen floor did have its advantages, displacing clothing in a way he'd have to work for a moment or two to accomplish. "I thought (kiss) you'd told (kiss) your whole family (lick) about us months ago."

"Huh?"

Will laughed. "I think we've achieved the proper mental state for this conversation now." He ruffled Ian's hair. "Seriously, lad, I thought they knew."

"I thought so too, but it seems that Aunt Martha is not a connoisseur of fine acting," Ian's snort made a reappearance, "and she never watches the holos we send her."

"That explains a lot. Guess we won't have to hide our private vids when she comes to visit."

Ian cupped Will's furry cheeks. "Don't count on it, love. Nobody sees those but us."

"I've got it!" Will kissed Ian long and hard. "Let's send her a Making of Heroes vid in an Evocateur case. I'm sure she'll finally get the picture."

"But will she watch it?" The answer no longer mattered to Ian once Will had stripped off his clothing to make a cozy nest for them on the kitchen floor.

Will kicked a piece of the former companel out of their way, and said, "At least we won't be getting any more calls tonight."

Ian twined his arms around him. "Yeah. We've got better things to do."


End file.
